Ask Dr. Bob
Do you think it's important to sit down at the table and eat dinner as a family?
When I first was asked this question, my response was a resounding yes! With many families scheduling – or rather over-scheduling – both the parents and kids, it is important to have time for a family to develop their own relationships. Not so long ago, "family time" occurred at the dinner table, where we learned life-long conversational and social skills. But the most important reason to eat together without rushing is to develop better communication, which leads to better family relationships.
So while the answer to this question seemed simple, I considered what it really asks: Is the family unit a priority anymore? And must it be a priority to raise responsible children? That hits home a little harder. While many parents would say family is their first priority, I am not so sure their actions back it up. Work, over-scheduled activities and media outlets have eroded the "close family unit." It's scary how subtle the transition has been and that many parents haven't even noticed.
Most of you know a father or a mother who always works. They leave before the kids wake up and get home after the kids are in bed. Weekends are spent on work around the house. They'll say, "We'll play later, after I'm done working," or "Sure, I'll make it to your game this time." Then they don't, leaving kids disappointed and longing for time with their parents.
While it is important to attend your kids' events and show your support, this does not replace time with them alone and as a family. Watching them from the sidelines is not true personal time spent between parent and child.
With this overwork, the hard reality is that kids will seek out other people or things to fill their time – people and things you wouldn't choose for them. Parents must work; I know I do! But we have to ask whether we work too much. It is past time to find balance in our work and home life. Like me, I am sure you want to be the ones to teach your children life's important lessons. If we aren't teaching them right and wrong, who is?
Many children today need a planner to keep track of their daily events. There is school, soccer practice, "drive-thru" dinner, then dance class, piano lessons, homework and bed. Somewhere in there, kids are supposed to play, develop friendships and spend time with their family. Where, when and how will this happen? Frankly, in many homes it doesn't.
Family time is replaced by a practice. Many children do not want to be involved in so many things, but parents push them to stay involved. Again, we need to ask ourselves if our kids are over involved. And do they really want to do what they're doing? So much good comes from kids' exploring and using their talents in extracurricular activities, yet we need to strike a balance and re-create family time. Set aside a certain time each day or week where you interact together. Don't let outside influences interrupt this time.
Similarly, TV, video games and computers have eroded family time. Many kids and adults spend hours a day with these electronic devices instead of personal interaction. Many children learn right and wrong from TV shows and celebrities. Stories abound of young teens lured from their homes by internet predators. These kids are lured by someone who gives them time and attention. Let's begin to limit our time and our kids' time with the electronic world and give
ourselves time together as a family.
I never thought there was so much to such a simple question. Let's all begin to look at our lives and begin to re-capture quality family time. Maybe the dinner table is the best place to start. Bon appétit!
