Becoming Your Child's Best Agent at School
There may be no blackboards or computer banks, but a child's home is his first classroom. As children move into traditional schooling, their earliest teachers – their parents – remain vital influences in their educational success.
"Children benefit tremendously when their parents help them bridge their two most important worlds, home and school," said William Sirbu, PhD, in the Division of Psychology at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.
When a child reports a problem in that school world, such as, "My teacher's picking on me," parents must mobilize to decode and defuse the situation. Even a child who does well in school may make that complaint.
"Parents are the customers of the school's services, and they have to fight for the right attention for their child," says Dr. Sirbu. "Parents are a child's agent for any problem at school, and they need to listen carefully and not take the complaint lightly. But they also shouldn't take it at face value.
Building the Parent-Teacher Relationship
"In reality, a child may be being bullied or teased, and is ashamed to admit it. So instead, parents hear, 'The teacher doesn't like me.'"
Or the problem may be with the teacher, but the parents need to approach the teacher in an atmosphere of mutual respect, careful listening and good communication. "Teachers also hope that your child has a good, positive experience at school."
Establishing good parent-teacher relationships early on makes it much easier to discuss any problems as the year unfolds.
"As an active partner in a child's education, a parent should connect with a child's teachers early in the year, at the first open house. Parents can gauge the amount of participation the teacher wants. Some want parents just to sign the forms sent home, others want the parents to be involved in checking on homework and monitoring progress."
Dr. Sirbu suggests that parents write a one-page history of the child, including background, family interests, any medical problems and learning style. "This creates a personal connection right away.
"Parents can add their email addresses and phone numbers, and encourage the teacher to contact them. Parents also need to get details about a child's school day, where she is when. Some parents choose to volunteer at the school, or do presentations from their careers that will pique students' interest. As their child moves into adolescence, though, parents need to keep that connection with the teacher in a more subtle way, through phone calls and emails, so they don't embarrass their child."
If a child experiences major life changes, such as a divorce, illness or death in the family, parents need to update the teacher. "Added stress can affect a child's school performance," Dr. Sirbu says.
Focus on the Learning
On a personal level, parents might want to scan their own backgrounds to see if their attitudes are negatively influencing their children.
"If you had a miserable experience in school, you might be anxious that your child will, too. So when your child says, 'My teacher's picking on me,' you might jump to conclusions. The focus turns from the learning to how bad the teacher is. Parents need to put their pasts behind them and start over for the sake of their children," he says.
"You want the message about school to be positive, that 'It's important and we want you to give it your all.'"
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