Teaching Teens Ethics
The taint of business scandal that began with the collapse of Enron has spread to the mutual fund industry and to such a household name as Martha Stewart. Televised coverage of executives on their way to the courthouse have become commonplace.
Parents concerned about keeping their children from falling into such traps may wonder where to start. The answer is simple, says Crestview Hills, Kentucky, pediatrician Barry Brokaw, MD: At home.
Everyday Ethics Lessons
"When we encounter things in everyday life or in the news, we need to take advantage by making them examples to our children," Dr. Brokaw says. "Ignoring them doesn't do anybody any favors."
For better or worse, the swirl of scandal provides many opportunities to teach. "When something comes on the news, ask your teen, 'What do you think that person really did wrong?'" Dr. Brokaw says. "Try to get to the crux of the matter and then give them some instruction."
Using questions rather than preaching generally works better. "Teenagers tune us out if we're constantly giving instruction," he says.
How teens answer determines the next step. "If they say, 'The only thing he did wrong was he got caught,' then we need to follow-up with instruction," he says. "If they say, 'I don't think that person thought about how that would affect all those people who invested in that company,' then that's pretty insightful and you support them."
Teaching by Example
But there are also opportunities to teach by personal example and by guiding teens through choices.
Just because a child raises more money than her target in a fundraiser, he notes, doesn't mean she should pocket the windfall. The money Grandma gave as a gift to buy books should be used for books, he adds, unless Grandma says otherwise. And teen entrepreneurs who make enough money to trigger tax liability should learn they need to pay it – or how to find legitimate deductions in time to avoid the tax.
College applications offer considerable temptation and some gray areas, Dr. Brokaw acknowledges. Claiming credit for an activity, he says, should be based on the spirit and quality of the participation.
"If you have been an integral part of an activity, list it on your application," he says. "But if you went to one meeting and didn't participate, that's embellishment that's improper."
Get an Early Start
Encouraging honesty begins well before the teen years.
"It starts early, establishing good self-esteem in your children by loving them unconditionally and expecting they adhere to certain rules and ethics," he says. "If you have unrealistic expectations or, conversely, no rules or expectations, you'll fail at producing a child who tries to be honest and ethical."
Children see how parents handle their money and time – and whether they're willing to give to community or church causes, he says.
"If you're at the store and get extra change, it's tempting to pocket it," Dr. Brokaw says. "But for the sake of our children, it's important to tell the cashier. And if you're shorted, avoid being rude or demanding."
He also believes parents should make clear to children early on, "if they've done something wrong you want to hear it from them, and they'll have fewer repercussions if they're honest with you from the beginning."
He recalls his wife asking their three children at dinner before she went to teacher conferences if there was anything she should know before going, and his then-7-year-old did confess to an incident. "She heard it from the teacher," he says, "but it meant a lot that he was honest enough to tell us."
That highlights another key to fostering ethics – creating opportunities to talk about weightier issues. "Sit down with your children for dinner or be together as a family in unstructured time," Dr. Brokaw says. "You won't have these discussions in the middle of soccer practice."
