Bringing Up Boys
Almost from the moment he left the hospital nursery, little Todd seemed destined to morph into his own action figure. As soon as he could walk he donned his superhero cape and started leaping from the furniture. When his parents removed any and all weapons from his toy box, he started holding his French fries like guns and pulling imaginary triggers.
Would his parents just have to ride this out, or was there anything they could do to rein in their junior superhero?
"Boys in general are more apt to explore and deviate from the expected, from toddlerhood on," says Joseph Bailey, MD, a pediatrician with Queen City Physicians. "I hate to generalize about boys and girls, but often boys are more adventuresome, and they tend to act first and think later. Girls often think first and act later.
"Some of this behavior is learned, too. Years ago, it was tradition that girls stayed home and played with dolls. Now they might be on three different soccer teams. I don't think the differences between boys and girls are as big as they used to be," says Dr. Bailey, father of three boys and two girls.
The Importance of Boundaries
"Boys need to learn to respect their elders, their peers and the opposite sex, because that will be how they will succeed in life. It's the child's job to experiment and push the limits, and it's the parents' job to maintain clear-cut limits. Children with ill-defined boundaries will bounce all over the place and might eventually cross the line."
When young boys act out aggressively, it's imperative for parents to intervene quickly, says Dr. Bailey. "As early as 9 or 10 months, a boy might hit people in the face, and it's important to tell him 'No, that's unacceptable.' Teaching a child respect for other people will last a lifetime.
"When an 18-month-old has a temper tantrum, it's much easier to stop that now than to wait until he's 16. Parents who succumb to a child's every wish don't see the damage now, but at 16, it will be a question of who's in charge in the family," he predicts.
"It's also important for parents to teach by example, that you don't solve conflicts by yelling or by physical means. By the time a child is 2 1/2, you can explain that by reasoning with him."
Managing Risky Behavior
House rules and expected chores can build respect for others as well as a boy's self-respect. "A boy with healthy self-worth is less likely to experiment with drugs. A boy who has been taught respect for the opposite sex is less likely to be promiscuous," Dr. Bailey says.
"I teach sex education classes in grade school, and it's clear that girls of 12 or 13 are much more mature about the topic. The boys giggle and fidget, and they're not there yet. They're still in their carefree stages."
A few years later, some boys move into risk-taking behavior. "We need to break the stereotype of the adventurous teenage boy, the hell-raiser who says 'I'm going to do what I want to do.' If he's been taught respect for other people and other people's property from his earliest days, he won't indulge in this 'adventurous' behavior that can be so harmful to himself and others."
More Online:
