Ask Dr. Bob
We are about to have our second baby, and I am worried about how this will affect my 2-year-old. How should I handle this?
The short answer is don't change anything about your interactions with your first child.
Many families feel stressed about the arrival of a second child because the new baby is going to turn their world upside down. Parents understand they won't be able to give 100 percent of their attention to the first child. They fear the first child will regress significantly and have worse behavior.
While it is true the parents will have to divide time between children, I believe the impact on the behavior of the first child can be minimized by not altering how you interact with that child.
The first thing to focus on is maintaining the same schedule for your 2-year-old. Help your child to wake up and go to bed at the same time. Offer meals at the normal schedule. Keep to the same routines for bedtime and play time. Toddlers are creatures of habit. If you can minimize disruptions to their schedule, you will minimize disruptions to their life.
Secondly, continue consistent discipline. This is where I see many families struggle. Parents feel bad that they have changed their toddler's world, so they may lighten up or become less consistent in their discipline of the older child. From a toddler's perspective, this is very confusing: yesterday this behavior was punished, yet today it is not. Toddlers' behaviors are likely to worsen if this pattern continues.
Maintaining the child's discipline takes some real discipline for parents who are usually tired and distracted when a second baby is brought home. If you have started behavior training, such as potty training, continue it. This helps to keep your toddler's world consistent. There's no need to stop the training; this invites regression. If your toddler does regress, keep up with the training. Again, this sends your toddler the message, "Even though we have a second baby, we are still moving forward with you!"
It is very important to have the toddler help out and interact as much as possible with the new baby. This will make the toddler feel a part of the baby's life from the beginning. These interactions need to be well monitored so you can teach the older sibling how to behave around a baby. The toddler will then proudly take on the title of "big brother" or "big sister!"
I fully realize when a second baby arrives home, everything won't be exactly the same as before. But in my experience, if parents do the best they can to maintain their first child's life as consistently as possible, disruptions to home life will be minimal.
