Creating Shared Memories for Your Blended Family: One Family's Experience
For Jean and Cliff Robson, their traditions have played an important role in bringing their families closer together and in helping both of their individual families become one.
Jean and Cliff met through their church and children's school in 1992. Both were divorced, single parents with second-grade girls at St. Mary's grade school. He also had a son. "I would see Cliff at church with his kids and was impressed," Jean says.
Cliff was impressed also, and the two started dating. After a year they got engaged and bought a house. Six months later the families moved in together, after the wedding.
Cliff introduced his kids, Jacalu and Cliff, then 10 and 8, to the idea of Jean and Tori joining their family by showing them the
new house. "I said, 'We're going to move in here,' and they started jumping around." When he added that he and Jean were getting married, the kids were even more excited.
"As he tells it," Jean says, "the kids started doing cartwheels. So I told Tori in the same way, showing her the new house and telling her of the engagement. She burst into tears."
But Tori, just 10 at the time, wasn't crying about having new siblings or her mom getting married. She was upset about not having her own room, a fear quickly put at ease.
Making Two Families One
"The kids were very involved in the wedding," Jean says. All three kids were in the wedding and after Jean and Cliff said
their vows, the whole family took family vows that they had
written, promising to love each other.
That vow of love is something Jean and Cliff work on very
hard. As a couple, Cliff and Jean always reassure their kids that, "We are now a couple. We have a lot of love for each other and nothing is going to separate us." Jean says, "Our kids have to believe we love each other and love them."
"I have so much empathy for people trying to blend families," Jean says. But for her and Cliff, their kids made the meld easy. They also were excited about the idea of getting even more new siblings.
Soon after Jean and Cliff married, they got pregnant with son Will, and a few years later had another son, Charlie.
Making Your Own Memories
Blended families have unique challenges. For instance, common traditions, like getting the family together for
Thanksgiving dinner, can be hard to manage with varying schedules and multiple parents. "As a new, blended family you can set up your own traditions; these are the memories you create," Jean says.
One tradition her blended family of seven has is taking family trips each year. The trips aren't extravagant, but they are a chance for the family to be together. "It's important to take time away from home and create fun."
Another family tradition is Sunday night dinners. "Having the family sit around the table together for a big dinner is a weekly event we look forward to," Cliff says.
