Making the Most of Play Dates
One toddler bustles right into the center of the play group, greeting pals and zeroing in on toys. Another child hangs back tentatively on the very edge of the group. Is this a predictor of their future social skills?
Not necessarily, says Ronna Schneider, MD, a pediatrician with Suburban Pediatric Associates in Mason. Parents can help children prepare for success in their peer groups with a combination of rehearsal and role-playing.
Create Opportunities to Socialize
"If children are so dependent on parents for all their play and socialization, they aren't as open to meeting others. Very shy children, too, may not feel the need to join in.
"It's good, then, for toddlers to interact with other toddlers on their own, with an instructor and without the parent," she says. "Maybe it's a gym or music class, or a formal play group with a formal instructor. They need to be exposed to new situations where they have to relate to others, free from their parents."
A mother of four, Dr. Schneider sent each of her children to preschool between the ages of 18 months and 2 years, to involve them in new situations with new children. "I have very independent children now," she says.
Rehearse to Reduce Anxiety
In new settings, many children are anxious about not fitting in or looking foolish. As part of a rehearsal for an upcoming new group experience, parents can scope out a new class or play setting beforehand, so they can describe it to the child. They can also mention any familiar children who might be there.
"If you don't have time to check out the situation, it's important to let the child know she's going to a place that you trust, with people you trust."
Parents also can present the concepts of fair play and inclusion to their children at an early age. "My children often simulate a play group at home, with their dolls and stuffed animals. I would tell them, 'It's nice to play with everyone,' and instilled that in them at a young age, so now they know," says Dr. Schneider.
In a new setting, it's helpful for parents to introduce their children to the group and encourage them to join in the activity. "Stay for a moment, then leave," she recommends. "Children will feel better knowing that a parent is in the next room or watching through a window, but need to interact on their own."
Model Desired Behaviors
As children reach 3 and 4 years old, role models such as parents, instructors and older siblings can begin teaching a child empathy.
"If a parent sees someone alone, outside the group, it's important to say, 'Let's go see what's wrong with Susie. Let's show her your toy,'" Dr. Schneider advises. "Children will learn from their role models how to consider others' feelings and encourage them to join the group."
