Inside Your Teen's Brain
How many times have exasperated parents thought, "If only children came with operating manuals." With an extra chapter just for those tricky high school years.
Of course, parents know no guidebook, however thick, could begin to capture their child's facets. But an expert view on middle-teens' cognitive changes can help parents navigate their child's roller-coaster high school years.
"Compared to children, middle adolescents are capable of more complex thinking, and they're better able to reason and see different points of view," says clinical psychologist Lynne Merk, PhD, who practices at Cincinnati Children's Harrison.
"Teens experience two important shifts in their thinking: They focus on themselves more as individuals fitting into society, with more concern about others. They also learn from the past to make decisions about the future, which makes them more goal-focused."
Testing Ideas and Identity
Middle teens often explore rapid successions of different friendships and activities. They become introspective and philosophical, developing their own code of ethics and trying out new political and religious beliefs.
"Teens may develop viewpoints different from their parents, and that can upset the parents," Dr. Merk says. "By the end of adolescence, the child will consolidate all these different ideas, to make them more confident of who they are."
Older teens also are separating from their parents and forming other attachments. A teen that used to date in groups may now date one person exclusively.
Peer pressure wanes in importance, but teens are still acutely aware of how they appear to others. It's entirely normal for them to be self-centered. "Psychologist David Elkind talked about teens acting as if they have an imaginary audience," she notes.
Watch Out for Risky Behavior
Thought maturation is individual to each teen, and can seem glacially slow to parents. Teens are still experimenting, which can lead to risk taking. "They have the mindset of being uniquely invincible, which limits their ability to assess risks. Parents can help them try new things in a safe setting."
Middle teens also experience heightened emotions, "So their judgment and decision-making are often poor," Dr. Merk says. "Parents can help their teens brainstorm about the pros and cons of an action, and guide them. Try starting questions with 'I'm wondering about…' Teens are more likely to take ownership if they come to a decision themselves, rather than because parents said it was the best decision.
Can We Talk?
"Parents and teens might talk in the car, or when they're watching TV together. It's important to involve teens in discussions of family matters and current events, to solicit their ideas."
As teens make more of their own decisions, Dr. Merk encourages parents to praise their thinking an issue through, even if they don't agree with the decision. "Praise them for the thought process. Or for seeing other people's points of view.
"Parents, of course, have the ultimate veto power, but they can compromise, too. If decisions never go in a teen's favor, it will be difficult to engage them in discussion."
If a teen's decision goes badly, parents can create an atmosphere for safely deconstructing the thought process. "Let them know it's OK to talk, but don't provide answers for them. Guide teens to come to a conclusion on their own," she says.
"Teens' new complex thinking will help them learn from the past and ask, 'How will a decision affect me later?' They're becoming more future-focused."
