Who's That New Kid?
Summer. The moving vans are on the road. And riding in the back – wedged between the furniture and household items – are the hopes and fears of a lot of kids faced with
the daunting prospect of being the “new kid” on the block.
While moving is stressful for every member of the family, it can be especially difficult for school-age children, notes Kevin Reidy, MD, a pediatrician with Pediatric Associates of Northern Kentucky. Not only do kids feel a lack of control as adults make major decisions about their future, they also feel a loss of security as they are forced to
leave friends and interests behind.
Even local moves can be traumatic. “In Greater Cincinnati, a move from Anderson to West Chester can seem as big as a move from Cincinnati to California,” he says.
Pave the Way
To help youngsters adjust, Dr. Reidy advises parents to give children as much notice as possible about a pending move and to listen to and acknowledge their fears.
A visit to the new neighborhood in advance of the move can likewise help. This is a great opportunity to point out some of the highlights of the new area, such as a nearby playground or community pool, and to meet neighborhood kids and their parents.
Let children take part in making decisions about the move, he suggests. Helping to pack up the moving van or choosing the color of their new bedroom gives them a degree of control over the situation, Dr. Reidy says.
Transition Tips
In the immediate aftermath of a move, parents need to help their children strike a balance between old and new. They can ease a child’s feeling of isolation by encouraging a phone call or email to old friends. At the same time, they can help children find activities in the new neighborhood – such as a soccer team or a dance program – that appeal to their interests.
For some children, particularly those who were bullied or rejected in their old neighborhoods, moving can be a fresh start and a chance to use coping skills they have learned. Others – especially those who struggle in the classroom or who are accustomed to excelling there – may encounter unanticipated challenges as they learn to navigate a new school.
“All kids are different. No two will adjust or react the same way,” says Dr. Reidy. “Be especially attentive to your children during the months after a move. Watch their social and emotional adjustment. It may take a semester of school or a sports season for a child to get settled.”
If after a few months a child still seems to be struggling, Dr. Reidy suggests parents check in with their family doctor, school principal or school counselor to ask for additional guidance. “After a few months it’s OK for children to still miss old friends, but their focus should really be tipping toward blending in with the new place.”
