Taming Tantrums Without Losing Your Sanity
We’ve all seen it at home, the grocery store or the park – the complete meltdown of an otherwise happy child.
Infuriating as they may be, temper tantrums – even among the older preschoolers – are “perfectly normal behavior,” says Scott Callahan, MD, a pediatrician with Cincinnati Children’s.
Tantrum behavior typically starts around 18 months and peaks with children between the ages of 2 and 4.
“At 4, children have more cognitive skills, better reasoning and better language skills. They can navigate their feelings without resorting to kicking and screaming,” says Callahan, but they’re not immune to the occasional outburst. Here are his tips for taming tantrums:
- Ignore the Outbursts. Whatever the child’s age, parents should never reward bad behavior with treats, toys or attention. Remember, tantrums are a child’s way of manipulating you. If you stop making dinner and spend a lot of time talking with the child about their behavior, they’ve engaged you. And you’ve given them what they want.
- Use Timeouts. Use “timeouts” to manage the situation. Timeouts deprive tantrum throwers of the attention they crave and provide them with time and space to work through their emotions. A good rule of thumb is one minute of quiet time for each year of the child’s age.
- Watch for Warning Signs. Beginning around age 4, children’s tantrums should start to become shorter, less frequent and less violent. If they don’t begin to dissipate, or you notice self-injurious behavior, talk to your pediatrician. In rare cases, tantrums can indicate an undiagnosed neurological problem or a psychiatric condition.
- Call in the Experts for Extreme Cases. Pediatricians who see cause for concern can screen for potential psychiatric problems or refer families to a psychiatrist for a definitive diagnosis. Therapies for extreme cases of tantrums can include parenting classes, referral to a child psychologist and behavior management interventions.
- Praise Positive Behavior. Most tantrum issues can be resolved with consistency and patience, particularly if parents model and affirm the type of behavior they want to see. A child should hear "I love you" and "thanks for making such a great decision" far more often than they hear they have made a wrong choice and need some quiet time to think about their actions.
- Praise Prevails. That’s the take-home advice another Cincinnati Children’s expert, Stephen E. Muething, MD, gives a parent on his radio show. Listen now.
