Share Tactics for Toddlers
The toddler has a death grip on the toy, and his playmates are arguing and whining to get their hands on it. Then comes the only syllable that’s ruined more play than any other. “MINE!”
Parents rush in. How, they wonder, can I raise a more sharing child?
“For children, as soon as something leaves their hands, they think it’s gone for good,” says Nick DeBlasio, MD, a pediatrician at Montgomery Pediatrics. “Sharing is not innate, so a child doesn’t know that if she gives it up, she can get it back. That needs to be taught, and the best age to begin this is about 3 or so, when children are playing together a bit more.”
“A lot of kids are not good sharers, but it’s not intentional,” says Dr. DeBlasio, a father of two young boys. “I don’t recommend disciplining them for that. Instead, use lots of positive reinforcement." Dr. DeBlasio has a number of tips, and yes, he’s willing to share.
Practice at home. “Start with a puzzle or game to teach the idea of ‘I put in a piece, then you put in a piece.’ Taking turns is a natural prelude to sharing.”
Spotlight sharing. “With 3- and 4-year-olds, note examples of sharing in books, on TV or in real life. ‘Look how nice. That little girl shared with her brother.’ Concrete examples connect action with the concept of giving up your stuff.”
Set time limits. “If sharing is particularly diffi cult, plan for each child to have a toy for two minutes. Explain the plan to them, then set a kitchen timer. Most children understand the concept.”
Offer some autonomy. “Before a play date, ask the child to set aside five objects he doesn’t want to share, and put
those away. The rest will be available to everyone.”
Invite sharing. “Parents may want to ask the child coming for the play date to bring some of her toys. That helps level the playing field.”
Police the action. “If there’s a problem, take the toy away and say, ‘When you can share it, I’ll return it.’”
Consider rewards. “Parents might want to use a sticker chart to reward a child every time she shares. Maybe there’s a toy as a reward after so many stickers. Children want to please their parents. The way to teach sharing is reinforce, reinforce, reinforce.
“As children grow, they’ll understand that sharing may not be fun, but it’s a necessary part of life,” Dr. DeBlasio concludes.
