The Story of Kristina Dodson
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| The Dodson Family: L to R from top: Stacey,Pyotr, Kristina, Darrell, Dad (David), Mom (Janna); bottom: Kim, Josh (Kim's husband), Lena, Brian (Shannon's husband), Shannon |
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Passport to Forever speaker shares unique experience
Through most of my childhood I remembered playing in a sandbox in the midst of the very tall nine to 12 story apartments. One day while I was out playing, I vaguely remember being brought in to the police station, sitting there while eating candy. Apparently, someone living nearby had reported that I was always outside playing by myself, all day every day, without leaving to even go to eat. My mother was asked if she wanted to still keep me and she refused, so I was taken by the policemen into a hospital for a checkup before being taken to an orphanage.
Well, at least that is how I always thought my story went of how I ended up in an orphanage, until about the age of 12 or 13 when my sub-director read to me the abandonment statement from my file. She said that my biological mother left me, along with my little sister, Lena, who at the time was not even a year old, at the train station. She told me that she had to go make a phone call and that she would be right back, but she never came. Lena and I were picked up by the police. My mother was found and was asked if she wanted her daughters, but she only took Lena back. At the age of 6 I began my journey through a life as an orphan. I suppose the sandbox and the candy was my fantasy as a child who needed a way to cope and escape my daily neglect. I still don't know if it was just my imagination, a dream, or if it really did happen, or if there was a possibility that my biological mother had left me on two different occasions. I'm not bitter, but sad that there was no help for her, no support groups, no medication, no friends, but only drugs and alcohol.
In two years, I had lived in three different orphanages.The third orphanage became my permanent home. It was good to know that we were finally there to stay. A typical life at the orphanage was mostly a routine of when you get up, eat, go to school, sleep, do homework. Every group operated on the same schedule. Even the weekends consisted of very similar routines.We initially slept in two large rooms (one for boys, one for girls). A typical group consisted of about 20 to 25 kids per caretaker, who would work a half day before switching. Over time, the groups started to get smaller, bedrooms were becoming smaller.
As a child living in an orphanage it seemed great because I didn't personally have to worry about cooking, buying supplies for school or things for my every day uses. It was exciting to start smoking and drinking at the age of 11 and hanging out with the neighborhood kids whose parents gave little or no supervision because the kids were so bad. Due to my unusually good relationship with my director and sub-director, I, out of 76 children, even was allowed to earn money by cleaning the orphanage after everyone went to bed. It wasn't much, but it got me what I wanted. I would buy ice cream, hot bread, gum, cigarettes, alcohol, make up while I was only about 12 years old.
I don't know how, but I remembered that I had a little sister, Lena. At some point I had a feeling that our biological mother would abandon her too. I had asked my director to see if it would be possible to find her. Somehow, she was following my path, living at the same orphanages where I previously lived. With the help of my orphanage director I was able to bring Lena to live with me at the same orphanage. There were opportunities for me to be domestically adopted. However, when the prospective parents learned about my little sister they were no longer interested, but it was great for me because I wasn't prepared to lose Lena again.
Reflecting on my life at the orphanage, I can truly say that my life there can never compare or even come close to what it's like living with a mother and father. Not often, but when someone would be adopted, each of us kids stood there, so jealous wondering why it wasn't me. During 1994, Lena was in the process of being adopted by an American family. While David, the father,was in St. Petersburg working on Lena's adoption, I had learned that apparently, the Dodson family did not know about my existence until three days prior to David's departure. In April of 1994, when Lena left, it hit me hard that I may never see her again and that there was nothing I could do. I was still happy for her.
That summer I was invited to Denmark to spend a month with a couple, last name Hansen, who had been involved with providing aid to our orphanage. One day, when there was about a week left before I had to return to the orphanage, the Hansen couple and I were trying to communicate. They were trying so hard to explain something to me, but I could not understand. After our "conversation" I called my director who said that the Dodson family is going to try to adopt me. I can't explain how I felt, but it was the best feeling of my life. I could not think about anything else, but the day when I would finally leave Russia and see my sister again. My adoption was completed and I came to America on October 16, 1994. My adoption was finalized less than a month before my 16th birthday. During the process my place of birth and my birthday were changed, to ensure that my adoption could be completed. Being much older than typical children who are adopted, I always believed that no one would ever want me; everyone wanted younger kids. I never could have thought that miracles like mine happen, but it did — I was re-united with my sis, I was brought into a family with my very own parents, and I can always look ahead and count on the great future.
Living with my new family was almost like living at the orphanage, but in a much smaller group. I'm not going to lie; yes we did have our dreadful and upsetting moments and it was hard for me to let my mom and dad be the parents because I was very self-reliant and often looked out for the younger children at my orphanage. However, as always, time and willingness to make things better will overcome the bad. My parents value education very much and knew it would take us far. All of us kids did very well, but especially us girls. Even though, English is my second language, I still managed to graduate 13th out of more than 360 in my graduating class. Often, I think about my fortune giving that my mother was drunk during my delivery — I turned out okay.
Living at home with my parents has taught me more than I could ever imagine, including the very simple things that would make a difference, as I was entering adulthood. My mom and dad would take me along when they went grocery shopping. They would help me learn things that I would eventually have to do things on my own such as mowing the grass, getting my driver's license, maintaining a checking account, measuring out ingredients, shopping for toothpaste, etc. living in the family, I have learned about relationships, nurture, support, values, self-worth, respect, independent living skills, appreciation, etc. My parents have provided me with the tools that would allow me to be prepared for a different lifestyle as an adult.
Having parents is the best thing ever because they are always there, whereas other things and people come and go. They will still love you even if you hurt them and they will still help you even if you don't ask. At times, I still think, what if I would have stayed in Russia? After turning 16, I would have been given a bed, a desk, two chairs, and whatever clothes I had, all to be situated in a very small room that I would have had to share with complete strangers. A good job or any college education is completely out of the question and in most occasions, not even thought about by those living in the orphanages. With the regulated daily schedule, a child does not have any opportunities to learn self-regulation or deal with choices. For most of us orphans, our self-worth diminishes the older we get and over time we begin to consider ourselves to be useless and worthless to ourselves, to others, and to society. If I would have stayed in Russia, my path would have led me to prostitution, drugs, having many children who would potentially be orphaned since I would be unable to provide for them or for myself. A parent is something every child living in an orphanage desires very strongly. To be able to call someone "Mom"or "Dad" gives so much security because you start to feel you belong, are loved, and cared about.
Reflecting on my life at the orphanage, I can truly say that I can never measure to or imagine what it's like living without a mother and father. I will always remember during the very first phone conversation, the first time I said "Mom" to the one who would soon be my forever mother. The fact that I was much older than most of the internationally adopted children, I knew that there is absolutely NO CHANCE for me to ever be with my little sister, and to be adopted. Even at 16, saying "Mom" is one of the most magical feelings.
Today, I work with Families Thru International Adoption (www.FTIA.org), an international adoption agency. I started in 2005 as a Russia program coordinator before joining one of FTIA's larger programs, China. Working at FTIA as someone who has been adopted internationally helps to bring a different perspective to the adoptive families, staff, and the children. I found my place at FTIA in many different aspects, and I found another big place where I belonged somewhere other than just with my family. This job makes me happy because I know that each day there is a life that will go on for a child. I know that we can't save the world, but we can proudly say that we try to help one child at a time. Children are the most precious gift of life. Being able to help build families through international adoption is the most precious gift I get. I consider myself one of the most blessed people from the day I was born because of what I have been through, the life I have lived so far, where I am now, what I do, and of course, where I will be.
Looking back, I know that the circumstances in my life, both good and bad, are what have made me who I am today, but there are still many children who are missing the things they need the most — a mother, a father, love, support, nurturing — all the things they can not get in an orphanage. I want to end with a couple of very import ant lines.To me, they have a lot of meaning, emotion, significance, and value: "Children need parents and parents need children!" "You are never too old to need parents!"
