Health Library

Bedtime Fears: Helping Overcome Them

It is normal for young children to be afraid of the dark and to worry about safety and security at bedtime. Most children have nighttime fears at some point during childhood. If fear of the dark or anxiety at bedtime is preventing your child from falling asleep or sleeping through the night, the following tips should help reduce their fear and/or worries and help them to get a good night’s sleep.

1. Understanding your child's fears is really important. During the day, give your child a chance to tell you what makes them scared at bedtime. Don't force your child to talk about the fear. Invite them to talk about their fears when they are ready. It may be helpful for your child to explore fears in the safety of the day. The kind of childhood fears can be different depending on their age or development. It is common for younger children to confuse what is real and what is imaginary/fantasy. Never dismiss or make fun of a child's fear. Fears that may seem silly to an adult feel very real to a child.
2. Once you understand your child's fear, it is important not to support or build up these fears. For example, if your child is afraid of monsters, don't get out the “monster repellant spray” or a broom to sweep the monster away. These actions tend to make children think you believe in imagined objects too. Be careful not to establish rituals to "clear the room of monsters." These attempts to comfort your child may inadvertently create a situation in which you are delaying bedtime and providing entertainment for your child as opposed to providing comfort.
3. It may be helpful for your child to have a security object (like a special blanket, toy, stuffed animal) that they can keep during the night to help them feel more relaxed at bedtime.
4. A night light may be helpful for providing security at night even if your child is not afraid of the dark. As long as the light does not interfere with your child's sleep, it is appropriate to have dim light at bedtime. Leaving your child's door open at bedtime can also create a sense of comfort and reduce fear that is associated with separation from parents at bedtime.
5. A pet companion (preferably an animal that does not sleep in the bed; a fish tank is a great option) can also provide security at night and reduce nighttime fear. Sometimes sharing a bedroom with an older sibling can help reduce bedtime fears. Be sure that children are not interfering with each other's sleep.
6. Do not allow your child to be exposed to scary television shows, videos or books that may increase their fears at bedtime.
7. It is important for your child to have daytime experiences that serve to build their self-confidence. If your child feels confident during the day, this will help with security at night too. Depending on the age of your child and how well they are able to talk about their fears, you may want to give your child the option of telling you about the fearful experiences and what might help them to feel less frightened at night.
8. If your child has a difficult time separating from you after they have been tucked in for the night, or if they call out to you soon after bedtime, go back and ask what is wrong. You can reassure them by saying things that focus on safety. For example, you might say, “We are here to make sure that you are safe and comfortable in your own bed at night.”
9. Encourage your child to stay in their room at night. The goal is to help your child overcome fears. If they are able to stay in bed and feel that everything is okay, they will learn to trust their bed is a safe place. You can join them in their room to provide comfort.
10. If your child is extremely frightened and you believe they cannot tolerate being in their room alone, it is okay to occasionally stay by their bed until they fall asleep. It is not recommended that you do this too often, or even two nights in a row, as your child may come to depend on you being there. If your child is anxious about being left alone, let them know you will check on them periodically. Start by briefly checking and reassuring them in 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 20 minutes until your child is asleep. Be careful not to spend much time checking in.
11. If your child wakes up during the night and is afraid to go back to sleep, briefly reassure them that they are safe and that you are close by. If your child gets out of bed during the night and comes to your bedroom, take them back to their bed and remind them that they are safe. It is important for them to learn that their bed is a safe and comfortable place.
12. If your child's problems at bedtime and during the night continue even after trying these tips, your child may have become dependent on your attention. If so, you may need to be more firm and consistent at bedtime while also providing comfort to your child and reassuring them that it is safe to be in their bed.
13. If your child's bedtime fear and anxieties continue, are severe, or are also present during the day, you should consider having your child meet with a psychologist to identify and treat anxiety.